1. |
no music after 9pm
02:01
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I was having an anti-civ meltdown
We walked outside to cool down
It was like looking at the glass half empty
But it’s a bottle and you break the glass
You cut your hand
And you expect your friends to understand
What’s going on
No music after 9pm
Or else Eddie will come down and complain again
He works 12 hours per day, he needs his sleep
Once again capitalism interferes with our music
You said something that didn’t sit well
I couldn’t figure it out, I couldn’t tell
Why I had that feeling in my gut
I block out so much that I pick up
Sometimes I get so scared of everyone
Even all of the people that I love
And know deep down they would never hurt me
It’s just that vulnerability is scary
But also beautiful
When we choose to not harm each other
But also beautiful
When we choose to heal together
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2. |
rotting fish
02:15
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I was a rotting fish in that cat basement
I was falling on the floor getting eaten
People kept coming in to visit me non stop
I hadn’t spent any time alone to process my thoughts
The irony is that I’m looked to as a moral compass
But I threw that chunk of metal in the trash so long ago
If I saw you sitting on the bus
I think I’d break down and give you a hug
And forgive you and kiss you on the cheek
Tell you how much you meant to me
But I’m so conflicted when you’re not around
I don’t know how I feel right now
But I can smell a fire
I’m in a forest with
Burning trees
Burning me
I wanna touch the crispy water that the wood ducks swim in one more time
To remind me what it’s like to be alive
Not just existing
Surviving
I gotta get out
I gotta exit
I gotta leave
No matter how profoundly I explain
The situation
No one will believe me
And if they do
What will they do
What will we do
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3. |
||||
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I’m singing pretty folk songs in a room full of punks
Apparently my choir-trained voice isn’t subversive enough
I’ve got a couple of ear piercings but zero tattoos
I didn’t know I had to reproduce the aesthetics
I thought it was about the DIY-ethics
I’m not entitled to your compassion but you’re not entitled to my respect
I’m learning to know my limits, I’m learning to take a rest
I don’t need your pity
I don’t need your charity
I keep running away from my problems
And you trying to fix them is my biggest one
So stop sending me those texts
You’re not entitled to my respect
Actually we don’t owe each other anything
If we just stop talking
We can act like we were nothing
How about that?
If it’s not mutual
It’s coercive
Have you heard of
VOLUNTARY ASSOCIATION
I’ll burn our bridges
I wanna see them explode
You’ve hurt me in ways
That you’ll never know
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
again
Like I can be myself
And trust the people I love
And sing my pretty folk songs in a room full of punks
And not care if I’m fitting their standards of what’s subversive enough
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4. |
merry misgendermas
03:36
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“Stop being such a shit disturber”
Is what you screamed with your eyes
I’ll shit the shit out onto this party
You’re an ally in disguise
Bullets piercing ears
What the fuck did I just hear
I need another vacation
From so called “family” obligations
From all this guilt
From wanting to run away
If I could just stand still
Today
If I could just swallow
All the pain
I closely watch the clock, zone out when people talk
About pop culture, their cars, their boyfriends
Then call them out when they’re being racist
I cringe and I make faces
Why was I even invited
Why did I even make it all the way out here?
I know I’m not alone at this time of year
But I feel so lonely
Being around everyone in this room
I’m reminded that I am the only
One who would stand up for my friends
And myself
So I’m gonna be a shit disturber
I’m gonna scream from the top of my lungs
Merry shitmas you bigoted fuckers
Let it roll off my tongue
Let it burn off my tongue
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5. |
rhetorical questions
02:04
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|
We’re adapting to different material conditions
We get our theory from conversations and zines
I’m digesting the ideas of this book into notes
To share with friends and because
I process information so slowly,
You know worshipping reading dense theory books is anti-accessibility
(cough) And also academics don’t know everything (cough)
Life feels so unstable and precarious right now
But in some ways and in some places that’s how it’s been
We’re drowning in gentrification
Imagine if we could afford to live together
Think of all the crimes and all the sins we’d commit
Remember that time we realised how the free market
Seeped into our interpersonal relationships
And then asked “why do we live so far away from each other?”
And “why do we celebrate Christmas and spend it with our nuclear families?”
Rhetorical questions
We know the answers to
By asking those questions
But does anyone actually know what to do?
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6. |
safely
03:04
|
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|
Making music is the only way for me to cope
With existence when I’m spending time on my own
But this scene lacks so many POCs
Cmon you whiteys
Cmon tokenize me
When all the transfems can safely walk out the house
When all the dykes can safely hold hands on the street
Without having to assimilate into this cruel system
Because this cruel system will be gone
Why does that only feel like a dream?
Why is that only a dream?
My dreams feel realer than reality (than reality, than reality)
When I leave my bedroom
And walk amongst the trees
I forget that societies try to
Belittle me with identities
The trees listen to the way I am
And give me space to breathe
Without me having to reclaim
Or feel proud of my categories
But I draw a certain power from it at times
But other times I want to exist
In a way where I don’t have to be anything
나는 아무것도 아니다
나는 아무것도 아니다
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7. |
magic
02:25
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I took the sky train over to your place
I’m sorry I got there 2 hours late
The mist from my tears got in the way
We carry naloxone in our bags
Break up the crowd, the cops will come back
The night becomes an anxiety attack
I’m calming down
I’m coming down
You took my hand and spun me into the club
I thought I looked like a lesbian enough
But those fucking men
Don’t care about consent
So we ran away and made out in the corner
Non-binary sapphics
Do you feel that power
Our existence is magic
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SoyJoy Vancouver, British Columbia
they/them
tales of a dragon finding their way through the
universes
(2019-2023)
now going by June Hawthorn and releasing music at:
junehawthorn.bandcamp.com
alternate bandcamp:
juniper-lee.bandcamp.com
... more
SoyJoy recommends:
Cheaper Than Therapy
by No.1 Special
corvin's album! my album and theirs are siblings, they grew along side each other
go to album
ava's amazing songs you should check out
go to album
Best plan for your life
by Still Depths
im such a big fan of these folks
go to albumIf you like SoyJoy, you may also like:
supported by 4 fans who also own “precariousness”
go to album
feather river canyon blues
by pigeon pit
supported by 4 fans who also own “precariousness”
“it feels like survival just isn’t enough, is it?” i love this whole album so much <3
go to album
Forever Only Idaho
by Harrison Lemke
Big, strummy songs that recall the heart-on-sleeve earnestness and lo-fi glory of early Mountain Goats.
go to album
